Br. Kimball said: Br. Brigham, you are the master of the house, and have a right to wear your hat here. Br. Brigham Young said: Yes, I have a right to wear my hat. Instead of this reformation waking me out of a deep sleep, and putting thunder and lightning into me, it has a contrary effect; and that spirit subsides in me. I am resting. When the first Twelve were called, then the thunder of the Almighty was in me; but Br Heber and I were only the fitmen [footmen]. Bless you, we could hardly reach up high enough to tie the shoes of Br. Hyde and John E. Page. I was just high enough to do that. But this did not infringe upon my priesthood. In the first days of the Twelve, there was much throwing of snot and wiping of faces, but I could not associate with such a spirit. The Twelve knew nothing about their priesthood; do they know anything about their priesthood now? They know no more about it than a boy four or five years old would, if we were to ordain him here today. That has been the burden upon me, that the Twelve did not know their duty and calling. I bore it as long as I could, until it seemed as if I should die; and I said to Br. Jeddy [Grant], '"I'll take my valise and I'll travel through the country, I'll not be caught riding either; and I'll preach and cry, 'If there is any man who will be for God, let him come out.'" and if I cannot find anyone to build up and bear off this kingdom, I will go into the wilderness and raise up a church among the Lamanites.'" Br. Jeddy got it immediately, and it killed him. If the Twelve have got the sprit, I am glad of it. And will rest, but not in death. I am not going to die, but if I don't live 130 years as I have sometimes said, I will live as long as I want to. How have I been situated since the death of Brother Joseph? I have had no one to stand guard for me. I have been like a man standing guard every night, but if you will stand guard for me I will rest. I will here digress a little. The brethren have thought I have used myself up with women, but it is not so. I do not use my women as much as you do yours. I do not do so much as I did when I had but one wife. (Heber: That's a fact, I do not do it.) I have had to stand on guard every night since Br. Joseph died, without anyone to keep the dogs out of the flock. Had it not been for that, I could not have stepped forth as I did at Nauvoo; but I did step forth, and drove the dogs and wolves out of the flock.
[Source: 920 M366, Special Collections, Merrill-Cazier Library, Utah State University, Logan, in The Complete Discourses of Brigham Young, Ed. Richard S. Van Wagoner, Smith-Pettit Foundation, Salt Lake City (2009), http://bit.ly/BY-discourses]
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